You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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