Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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