i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
