Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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