called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
whose parrot is this?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
