HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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