While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
