just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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