YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
