How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
