Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
