next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
