this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
