what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
