I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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