I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
