God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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