just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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