We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
