I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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