HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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