you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This baby is an asshole
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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