Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
