I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
