Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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