I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
