I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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