You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
