I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
