how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
