he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
