Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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