dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
