so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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