Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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