NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
