I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
