yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
