Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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