Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
