From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
