I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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