You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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