you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I believe in your delicious
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize