I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
