i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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