I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
