she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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