it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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