love makes seman taste better
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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