speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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