seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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