Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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