I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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