when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
