mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
