D3 body, D1 cock
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
