You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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