I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
