I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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