I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
