Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
