Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
