My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i will never coherently bang her
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My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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