why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
