Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Drake has all the answers
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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