I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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