Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
