Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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