There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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