He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just found a bag of teeth...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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