I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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