we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
