New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
