just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
